And Life Goes On. . .

As I write this, I am in Montana where I have traveled to be with my mother while she buried her mom.  We always called my grandmother Nanny, as was her request. My nanny’s soul has departed from her body this past week.  What is it about death that makes us reflect so much on the living? This weekend has been a mixture of emotions for most of my family, and myself.  And what have I learned in process? Life goes on, and we need to try and appreciate every minute of it.

What is it about death that makes us reflect so much on the living?

My nanny was raised in England, but came here after she married the man who was to become my grandfather.  They brought six children into the world together. One of those children was my mom. For the last few years my nanny has suffered greatly from dementia.  This has been tough on my family, and it has had to be very tough on my mom. Knowing that Nanny is now at peace is a very comforting thought, but it was still difficult for her children to let her go, and unfortunately, her illness and death has driven some of her children apart instead of bringing them closer together.  For one day, most of them could get together to celebrate the life, and mourn the loss of, their mother. The service was beautiful. One of my aunts made a beautiful powerpoint presentation, and story of my grandmother’s life. My other aunt chose not to be there because she could not get over the anger that she has for some of her siblings.  Both were hurting, and I feel sorry for both of their pain. I came to be by my mother’s side, and that is where I stayed as much as I could. She is now on a plane back to her home near Phoenix, and I will board mine later on my way back to my husband, and children near Seattle. I miss her already.

‘’When a being who is dear to us is about to die, we look at him with a look which clings to him, and which would hold him back.

• Les Miserables

What I have learned this weekend is to be present, and to cherish the time that I have with loved ones.  Grudges need to be let go before it is to late, and as much time must be spend with each other as possible, because time is the one thing that I will never get back.  As I sat in my nanny’s funeral with my mom’s arm around my shoulder, I heard a baby from my cousin making noise behind me. What a glorious sound that is. It was like a tiny bit of sunshine coming through on a cloudy day.  It was the sound ringing out of life in the midst of death. His sweet noises were the reminder that life goes on, and we must try to feel the blessings as they come.