All for a Piece of Paper

I am writing from sunny Arizona, where I am visiting with my family.  The true reason that brings me here is my college graduation.  Many people seem to graduate high school, go to college, begin a career, and the start their own families.  Not me.  I am so strong willed, that I had to do everything my own way, which ended up meaning that I did it backwards.  Now that it is over, I am not sure what to feel.  It seems that though I was excited to graduate, and just wanted to finish.  Part of me wonders if it was all worth it.  Now that I owe almost $20,000 in college loans, and will not be going to work immediately, I find myself questioning if I should have chosen to get a higher college degree at all.  On one hand, if something happened to my husband, I will be better able to support myself.  Also, once my kids graduate high school, I would like to find a career that is fulfilling and will enable me to help others.  For the time being, I am struggling to feel fulfilled in raising my own children, and educating them at home.  I felt that once I was completed with my classes, I would have so much extra time, but I have been getting up early in order to exercise and have some time before the kids get up.  

One thing that I did learn from going to college at my age was managing time.  I began to use a planner, and keep better track of what it is that I need to do.  Another positive side of being completed with my bachelors degree is that now that I am not being told what to study, I have been enjoying reading about what I want to learn about.  Lately, it has been homeschooling and kid’s yoga.  We are also starting the process of becoming a foster family.  The main issue that I am having with time is that the house has not been taken care of as much as it should.  When we moved, I thought that we would keep this house so much cleaner, but I have been failing.  In fact, I have been so busy, and overwhelmed, that I have barely been able to think about this graduation at all.  

It seems as though adulting is only a series of mistakes over, and over again.  This just goes to show that if you complete something, and that you do it well, that it is definitely something to celebrate.  As I graduated this past weekend, I found myself feeling emotional.  After all, it was a lot of work.  Blood, sweat, and tears were a part of the process, and part of what makes me am who I am today.